Healing from Church Hurt

For those who used to be like me, who were afraid to darken the doors of a church building, this is for you.

If so-called Christians, the church, pastors, or anyone claiming to love God hurt you, this is also for you.

Maybe you are in the ministry in some capacity, and you’ve been hurt by situations, coworkers, not being seen or heard, falsely accused, misunderstood, judged, or condemned. This is specifically for you.

One of my young adults was being so volatile, hateful, and verbally abusive to me one day while we were on a road trip.

It felt like every time I would hold this child, they would spit on me. It was hold, spit, hold, spit on repeat. My adult child suffered from attachment issues and some deep traumas. Unfortunately, the reason why my child was lashing out was because of past abuses by their biological family. My child hadn’t dealt with the trauma, so the trauma had to go somewhere, and I was that somewhere. I have often felt like a punching bag, specifically to some of my kids who haven’t fully healed or dealt with their traumas. I was okay with being their punching bag because, in my eyes, I’d do whatever it takes to get them healed. But the abuse started to get worse and worse as they got older, and now we were at the stage where my child is no longer a child but a young adult.

I remember pulling over my car at a gas station because my child was being so hateful.

When I pulled over, I turned around to the backseat where they were sitting and said,

I've never abused you.

Why are you punishing me for the abuse your bio parents caused you?

I've never neglected you.

I’ve never cussed at you.

I’ve never abused you physically, mentally, sexually or spiritually.

I’ve never called you names.

I’ve never made you feel less than.

I'm not your bio parents.

Stop treating me like I am them.

I didn't harm you.

So why are you harming me?

I don’t control you.

So why are you controlling me?

I remember going inside this gas station to cool off because I needed a break from the volatile, toxic situation happening in my car.

I heard God so clearly call me out. It was with such conviction, and this is what the Lord said as the Holy Spirit began to repeat my very words I said to my adult child back to me.

I started weeping as I got back into my car.

God said,

I’ve never abused you.

Why are you punishing & blaming me for the abuse other Christians have caused you?

I’ve never neglected you.

I’m here. I’ll never leave or forsake you.

I’ve never cussed at you.

I’ve called you by name in your mothers womb.

I’ve never abused you physically, mentally, sexually, or spiritually.

I wasn’t in heaven throwing a party when you were suffering or being falsely accused. I was going before you, making a way for you to be free, and defending you.

I’m not the Christian who hurt you.

Stop treating me like I am the one who hurt you.

I didn’t harm you.

I understood that you would have church wounds one day. I understood that your church hurt needed to go somewhere and that you’d blame me. So that’s why I was your punching bag on the cross and died for you. I was buried and rose again so you could experience healing, deliverance, and freedom.

If someone has betrayed you, God has not.

If someone has ignored you, God has not.

If someone has passed you by, God has not.

If someone has falsely accused you, God has not.

If someone has lied to you, God has not.

If someone has stolen from you, God has not.

If someone has used you, God has not.

If someone has manipulated you, God has not.

If someone has abused you, God has not.

If someone has hurt you to the point where you feel like you could never heal, God has not hurt you, and God wants to meet you where you are and heal you.